The X Brothers
by Fiora-da-Insane
Summary: Parody of 1980's Musical Comedy. Chapter 05: Which Stuff is Blown up
1. Meet the X Brothers

The X Brothers  
  
Title: The X Brothers  
  
Author: Fiora-da-insane  
  
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution, and all characters, logos, and such belong to Marvel Comics, and probably a few other nameless companies. The Blues Brothers Belongs to their respectable Owners  
  
Summary: Parody of 1980's Musical Comedy "The Blues Brothers".  
  
Rating: PG.-13, for some swearing, although not too much...  
  
Feedback: Please! Constructive critisism welcome! PLEASE REVIEW...not that I'm begging or anything *Gives readers puppy-dog eyes*  
  
*****  
  
[Seated on a directer's chair is a red-haired girl wearing a black shirt with mesh-sleeves that reads "Bad Attitude". She is looking rather wolfish. Literally. She has wolf ears, brown wolf eyes, a lengthened wolf-like snount, wolf feet, and a wolf tail. Her name is Fiora, and she is the proud director of this fanfiction/play, although right now she looks quite angry]  
  
Fiora: [yelling] Pyro! Get your arse over here! The camera's aren't gonna run themselves!  
  
Pyro: Don't fret, sheila, I'm coming! [walks out of a back room carrying a donut and a can of vasseline]  
  
Gambit: [looking up from where he's reading his lines] yeah, ya was comin' alright John. [snickers]  
  
Fiora: [ignoring Gambit] Magma, do you have the lights ready?  
  
Magma: [somewhere from above] Yes!  
  
Fiora: Good! Pyro, Camera! [switches position in chair, trying but failing to look professional.]  
  
Pyro: Got it aaannnddd....go!  
  
Fiora: [clears throat] Hello, my name is Fiora, and I am the director of this Fanfiction, called 'The X Brothers' for those of you who did not read the title. On camera we have Pyro, Magma for Lights, Forge is in charge of making sure everything works, and Little Jamie Ma...I mean Multiply and his...er...multiples...are in charge of keping the area clean.  
  
The idea for this lovely little fanfiction came after reading 'Whodunit?' by DragonBlond, who was inspiried by Todd Fan. Both are very good writers, so I suggest you check them out.  
  
Anyway, now that's all said and done, On with the Story!  
  
*****  
  
[Scene is a prison, a long hallway lined with jail cells containing yelling prisioners. The backs of three men, two dressed as prison guards (Henri and Wolverine) on either side of a man with aburn hair dressed in a bright orange prison suit (Gambit), walk quickly down the hall.]  
  
Wolverine: Anyone tell ya orange ain't yer color, Gumbo?  
  
Gambit: Remy looks good in any color, homme.  
  
[Henri snickers, and jumps over a kick from Gambit, as Sabertooth swipes at Wolverine from a prison cell.]  
  
Fiora: Stick to the script and keep it civil!  
  
Henri/Gambit: Yes chere!  
  
[Wolverine and Sabertooth growl]  
  
[Henri, Gambit, and Wolverine continue marching down the hall. Scene changes to parole office, Enter Wolverine, who stands by the door *Skint* with extended claws. Gambit and Henri follow, and march to the Parole counter, where Jean-Luc Lebeau stands.]  
  
Henri: Prisioner 74745 69 [Gambit snickers] B [Glares at Gambit]  
  
Jean-Luc: [shaking head at Gambit] W'y am I not suprise ta see ya here, pup?  
  
Gambit: real funny, papa.  
  
Jean-Luc: [clears throat] What Wing 'e from?  
  
Henri: Maximun wing. Block...uh...seven?  
  
Fiora: Nine!   
  
[Gambit snickers]  
  
Henri: Merci. [kicks Gambit] Maximun wing, block nine.  
  
Jean-luc: Standard release?  
  
Henri: Non, Parole t'ree outta five. good behavior?  
  
[Henri and Wolverine laugh, Laughter comes from off camera]  
  
Jean-luc: My boy well be'aved? dat can't be right.  
  
[more laughter, Fiora telling people to shut-up]  
  
Gambit: Remy ju' be full o' suprises, non?  
  
Fiora: FOCUS PEOPLE!  
  
Cyclopse: [off camera] and people say I have a stick up my-OW! SHE BIT ME!   
  
Pyro: [off camera] Fiora, let go of Cyke! Down Girl, Down!  
  
Fiora: [off camera] I knew those teeth would be good for somthing...Anyone else?  
  
[Henri, Wolverine, Jean-luc, and Gambit all Visibly straiten up]  
  
Jean-Luc: Give me a second [exits camera veiw, returns carrying a box, clears throat] one timex watch, broken...and you call yaself a t'eif! [pulls a condom package out of the box] one unused pro'ylactic, [picking up with a pencil, looking disgusted] one used...  
  
[scene switches to outside of prison, where Cyclopse is driving a car towards the prison, wearing a black suit with wolf-teeth-marks on the sleeve, complete with a hat, and black sunglasses.]  
  
[scene back to parole office]  
  
Jean-Luc: One black suit jacket. One pair o' black suit pants. One hat, black. One pair o' sunglasses. Twen'y t'ree dollars and seven cents. Sign 'ere.  
  
[scene change, Gambit's walking through the prison, dressed in a black suit, wearing sunglasses and a black hat.]  
  
Gambit: Gambit dun like dis suit much...  
  
Pyro: [off camera] looks good on ya, mate.  
  
Gambit: [looking horrified] Gambit really dun like dis suit...  
  
*****  
  
Fiora: CUT! CUT! DAT'S A WRAP!  
  
Pyro: Dat's? Gambit rubbin' off on ya sheila?  
  
[Gambit winks suggestivly at Fiora, Henri grins, Jean-Luc sighs]  
  
Gambit: Remy gladly 'rub off' on ya anytime, chere  
  
Jean-Luc: and here I 'ought I'd raised a well-mannared pup...  
  
Henri: Gambit, well mannered?  
  
Gambit: Got outta prision on good behavior, non?  
  
Fiora: Riiight....I'm just gonna...go...stop Badger and Fluffy from killing each other...hehe, Please review!  
  
Love & Insanity,  
  
Fiora-da-insane 


	2. WHOAM'ing and Penguins

Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution, and all characters, logos, and such belong to Marvel Comics, and probably a few other nameless companies. The Blues Brothers Belongs to their respectable Owners.   
  
*****  
  
[Seated on the floor is Pyro, Perparing to burn a can of vasseline doused in gasoline. Behind him, Jean is helping Scott go over his lines, while Kitty and Lance bicker quietly. Somewhere, someone is playing an Evanescene CD. Fiora walks in, looking less wolfish but equally angry.]  
  
Fiora: People! Places! Come on, we don't have all---AHHH!  
  
[She dances back, her pant leg on fire after stepping to close to Pyro's fire.]  
  
Fiora: DON'T JUST STAND THERE! PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT!  
  
[Nobody moves, as she keeps dancing around, swatting at the fire. Slowly, they go back to what they were doing, while Fiora dances away, probably in search of water. Gambit walks in, wearing the suit.]  
  
Gambit: Where's de director?  
  
Jean: Who?  
  
Gambit: De wolf girl. Fiona or somt'in'.  
  
Jean: Oh, you mean the bitchy wolf girl, Fiora.  
  
[Kitty suddenly storms off past then]  
  
Pyro: Bitchy wolf girl's off putting out her leg  
  
[Lance runs past them, calling for Kitty]  
  
Gambit: Comment?  
  
Scott: You don't wanna know  
  
[Gambit sits down and begins to rehearse his lines. A while later, Fiora enters, with the help of Bobby, who has apparently incased her leg in a block of ice.]  
  
Pyro: Ya want me to melt that for ya, mate?  
  
Fiora: No, I want you to get on the Camera. Gambit, Scott, Places! Comeone People, lets go! WILL SOMEONE KILL THAT MUSIC!  
  
[Evanescence music dies.]  
  
Fiora: Action!  
  
*****  
  
[Scene is inside a police car, where Gambit and Scott both sit. Scott is driving, Gambit sits next to him. Neither have seat belts.]  
  
Scott: This isn't very safe...  
  
Gambit: get over it, Cyke.   
  
[Scott glares]  
  
Gambit: W'at de hell is dis?  
  
Scott: [confused] What?  
  
Gambit: De car! Dis stupid car! Where de Cat'llac? [Scott looks confused] De Caddy! Where's de Caddy!  
  
Scott: What's a caddy? er... I mean The what?  
  
Gambit: De ol' Cad'llac we used ta have! De...Dis is corny!  
  
Fiora: [off Camera] Just Say it!  
  
Gambit: [sighs] De X Mobile  
  
Scott: I er...traded it.  
  
Gambit: Ya traded de X Mobile for dis?  
  
Scott: No. For a microphone...Who would trade a car for a microphone?  
  
Gambit: Apparently ya would, mon ami. [clears throat] A microphone? Gambit can see dat, but what de hell is dis?  
  
Scott: "Dis" was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect City Police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect Police Car. They were practically giving them away.  
  
Gambit: well, t'ank you, Cyke. De day Gambit gets outta prision, his own brot'er picks him up in a Police car!  
  
[Gambit pulls out the car's Cigarette lighter, Lights a cigarette, then throws the lighter out the window. Ahead, a fog horn warning is issues, as they come to a stop behind a line of cars waiting for a raising draw brige.]  
  
Scott: You don't like it?  
  
Gambit: De car or bein' your brot'er?  
  
Scott: I don't like playing YOUR brother either  
  
Gambit: Remy never said 'e didn't like bein' your brot'er. I'm hurt...  
  
Pyro: [Off Camera] Look mate, ya went and made Gambit cry!  
  
Jean: [Off Camera] How can you tell? He's wearing those ugly sunglasses...  
  
Fiora: [Off Camera] STICK TO THE SCRIPT!  
  
Scott: like I said, Stick up her a[Fiora is heard growling] I mean, You don't like it?  
  
Gambit: Non, I don't  
  
Pyro: [Off Camera] He used a pronoun! Gambit used a pronoun! I'm so proud  
  
Magneto: [off camera] [sarcastically] Aren't we all  
  
Fiora: [Off Camera] Pyro, can it!  
  
Pyro:[Off Camera] Yes ma'am. Wait, aren't ya gonna tell Magneto to 'can it'?  
  
Gambit: Dun t'ink chere wants to tick of de all powerful mutie, Johnny  
  
[Magneto is heard snickering]  
  
Fiora: [Off Camera] No, I really don't. I'd like to live to see this fan-fiction finished.  
  
Gambit: Don't t'ink dats gonna happen...   
  
Scott: [coughs] can we do this yet?  
  
Fiora: Yes! Magento sir, you ready? Great! Ready, set, Go!  
  
[Scott hits the gas, driving around the line of cars and up the draw bridge. A 'Whoam'-ing sound is heard, as Magneto uses his "all powerful"...powers...and makes to car jump over the drawbridge and land smoothly on the other side. Scott calmly keeps driving on.]  
  
Gambit: Car has a lot o' pick-up...  
  
Scott: It's got a cop motor of four hundred and forty cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks, it was a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. Whaddya say? Is it the new X Mobile or what?  
  
Gambit: Fix de cigarette lighter  
  
*****  
  
[Scene changes to the outside of a beaten down orphanage. Scott pulls to a stop]  
  
Gambit: What are we doin' 'ere?  
  
Scott: You Promised you'd visit the Penguin the day you got out...  
  
Gambit: So what, Gambit lied to her.  
  
Scott: You can't lie to a nun. We gotta go in and visit the Penguin.  
  
Gambit: Merde  
  
*****  
  
[Scene changes to Gambit and Scott inside a beaten-down building. To their left is a hallway and a staircase leading downstairs. before them is a staircase leading upwards, with a door at the top.]  
  
[Gambit and Scott stand in the open doorway, before starting up the stairs, leaving the door open. A quarter of the way up, the door creaks and slams shut by itself. Gambit and Scott both stop, look at the door, and then at each other, both visibly shaken, before continuing up the stairs.]  
  
[They come to the door at the top, and Scott reaches up to knock, but before he does...]  
  
Female Voice: Who is it?  
  
Scott: Gambit and Scott  
  
Female Voice: Come in.  
  
[and so they do, leaving the door open behind them, and walking up to a desk. Camera pans to Storm, dressed as a giant penguin...actually, a nun; and a mean looking on at that. The door shuts by itself, causing Gambit and Scott to jump, and look at it, at each other, and then at Storm the Nun]  
  
Storm the Nun: [sickly sweet voice] Hello, boys. Nice to see you. Please, have a seat.  
  
[Scott and Gambit walk to the back of the office, by the door, and sit in too-small writing desks.]  
  
Storm the Nun: Oh no boys, come over here in front of me. I want to see you...How the hell am I supposed to see their faces if they have those huge ugly sunglasses on?  
  
Fiora: [Off Camera] Stupid worthless good for nothing mutants can't even [a 'Whoam'-ing sound is heard, along with Fiora screaming and the sound of her body hitting the wall.]  
  
Magneto: [off Camera] Care to repeat that?  
  
Fiora: [off camera] No Magneto sir, I'm sorry, I didn't mean [another thud as Fiora hits the ground]  
  
[Storm the Nun ignores them, while Gambit and Scott fight back laughter. Pyro's insanish laughter is also heard]  
  
Storm the Nun: Oh no boys, come over here in front of me. I want to see your faces.  
  
[Scott and Gambit scoot their too-small writing desks loudly towards Storm the Nun's desk.]  
  
Storm the Nun: The county took a tax assessment of this property last month. They want five thousand dollars.  
  
Gambit: For dis peice of shit? On'y cost t'ree hundred fer de entire set, inc'udin' de cameras and lighin' and-  
  
Fiora: [off Camera] Gambit, Shut Up!  
  
[Gambit charges up a playing card and throws it at Fiora. Swearing is heard.]  
  
Scott: Doesn't the Church have to pay that?  
  
Storm the Nun: They would if they were interested in keeping the place, but they aren't. The Arch Bishop wants to sell this building outright to the board of Education.  
  
Scott: What's gonna happen to you?  
  
Storm the Nun: I'll be sent to the missions...  
  
Gambit: Fo'get it! Five grand? no problem! we'll 'ave it for ya by mornining. Comeon Cyke, Let's go.  
  
Storm: [stands up quickly, showing that the costume makes her look suprisingly fat] No! No! I will not take your filthy stolen money!  
  
Gambit: Den I guess your really up de shit creek  
  
[Storm hit's Gambit's hand with a ruler, he jerks it back and shakes it]  
  
Storm: What did you say?  
  
Gambit: Remy offered t' help you. You refused to take ou' money, den Remy said ``I guess you're really up de shit creek''.  
  
[Storm hit's Gambit's hand again]  
  
Scott: Christ, Rem', take it easy man!  
  
Storm: Scott!   
  
[Storm hits Scott over the head with ruler, and both boys swear. Storm hits them again and again, as they swear again and again.]  
  
Scott: AH! You fat Penguin!  
  
[Storm breaks the ruler over Scott's head, and grabs a sword as Gambit and Scott both swear, and starts beating them with that. Both boys fight to get out of their desks and to the door. They reach the door, which is magically open, with Gambit still trapped in the too-small writing desk. Still swearing, Both Scott and Gambit fall down the stairs. Camera pans to the door at the top of the stairs, where Storm stands looking godly-powerful, like Magneto does.]  
  
Storm: You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to believe in the ten commandments have returned to me as two thieves, with filthy mouths and bad attitudes. Get out! And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves.  
  
[She disappears back into her office and the door mysteriously closes]  
  
Gambit: [rubbing head] Did she 'ave to hit dat hard?  
  
Fiora: [Groans off Camera] AND WE WERE STICKING TO THE SCRIPT SO WELL!  
  
Scott: [Ignoring Fiora] I think that's gonna leave a mark.  
  
[Wolverine appears in the hallway next to them, wearing dark sunglasses and a black suit.]  
  
Wolverine: Boys, ye gotta learn not to talk to a nun that way. Gambit! Scott!  
  
Gambit & Scott: Logan!  
  
Gambit: Dun care how t' talk t' a nun, just care about how t' talk to Stormy so she dun hit 'em.  
  
[Broken ruler peices fly down and hit Gambit on the head]  
  
Wolverine: First of all, don't wall her 'Stormy'. Can I but you boys a drink?  
  
Fiora: CUT!  
  
*****  
  
Gambit: Alcohol? We Get Alcohol?  
  
Fiora: Next Scene  
  
[Fiora is looking worse for wear. She still has ice clinging to her leg, a bad burn is now visable on her bear leg. Scorch marks from Remy's card are evident, and there is a dent in the wall where Magneto threw her]  
  
Scott: But, aren't we too young to be drinking?  
  
Gambit: [Glares] You'll shut up if you know whats good for ya, Cyke.   
  
*****  
  
So, what did you guys think? ^^  
  
To Todd Fan: Thanks for the Review! Gald you like it ^^ Hope ya like this one two. By the by, Teacher Training? It's laugh my ass off funny! I LOVE it! ^^  
  
Love & Insanity,  
  
Fiora-da-Insane  
  
Fiora_da_insane@hotmail.com 


	3. Reverend Wanger

Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution, and all characters, logos, and such belong to Marvel Comics, and probably a few other nameless companies. The Blues Brothers Belongs to their respectable Owners.   
  
*****  
  
[Gambit, Fiora, Scott, Wolverine, Hank, Pyro, Amara, and Kurt sit in a circle around a table, each holding cards in their hands. In the center of the table is a stack of cards, and before everyone except Fiora is two or four cards.]  
  
Scott: [glares around the table, even though no one can tell due to the glasses] Uh...Fiora, do you have an eight?  
  
Fiora: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!  
  
[everyone stares]  
  
Pyro: How many times do we gotta tell ya, It's "Go Fish."  
  
Fiora: [bangs head on table] I'll never get the hang of this.  
  
Wolverine: Don't matter, the viewers are here. [motions toward a handful of random people standing around.]  
  
Fiora: [jumps up] Oh! Hi! hehe, Okay then, everyone, get in your places!  
  
Gambit: aww, but Remy was winning...  
  
Hank: I suppose winning and cheating are synonyms to you?  
  
Gambit: Gambit wasn't cheatin'!  
  
Fiora [slaps head] Riight Gambit. Places People, comeon! And let's Try to stick with the script this time!  
  
Amara: [Whispering] I think you're right, Scott, She's gotta stick up her-  
  
Kurt: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO SING?!?  
  
Fiora: [covers his mouth] Shut it, you're revealing the plot!  
  
*****  
  
[Scene is inside a run-down kitchen, where Wolverine, Scott, and Gambit sit around a table with a bottle of Burbon in the center. Each had a shot glass of the alcohol in front of him.]  
  
Wolverine: Boys, things are bad. They're gonna sell this place to the board of education and I'll be out on the street. That money's gotta be in the Cook County Assessors office within eleven days.  
  
Gambit: Dey wouldn't turn an ol' badger out, would dey?  
  
[Wolverine Growls]  
  
Fiora: [Off Camera] Gambit, Logan, SCRIPT please!  
  
Wolverine: [Sigh] Shit. What's one more old mutant to the board of education?  
  
Scott: Wolverine, you and the penguin are the the only family we got. And you're the only one that was ever good to us. Singing Elmore James tunes and blowing the harp for us down here. Whatever that ment.  
  
Gambit: Dunno w'at dat met either, homee. Wolverine?  
  
Wolveine: Nope  
  
Fiora: [Off Camera] Does the word SCRIPT ring a bell?  
  
Gambit: Non  
  
Scott: Nope  
  
Wolverine: Can't help ya, squirt.  
  
Fiora: [off camera] They're all out to kill me...  
  
Pyro: [off camera] Right luv  
  
Wolverine: [galnces at script and downs his Burbon, then pours himself more] Well the sister was right, you boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock and catch Reverend Wanger. You boys listen to what he's got to say.  
  
Gambit: Wolvie, Remy don' wanna listen t' no jive ass preacher talking to him abou' heaven and hell. An' by 'him' I mean me...  
  
Wolverine: Gumbo, ya get wise! [points at him with an extended claw] Ya get to church!  
  
*****  
  
[scene changes to the "X mobile"- ]  
  
Gambit: [coughCorny[cough]  
  
[-*Ahem* Pulling in front of a large white church that has "Triple Rock Church" written on it. As the X Mobile is parked, we see various mutants and mutant families walking into the chruch. Scene switches to Scott and Gambit standing in the back of a mutant-filled church. Camera turns to an AFROED Beast standing in front of a podium.]  
  
Beast: And now, this weeks sermon is from our beloved; the Reverend Kurt Wanger.  
  
[Scott and Gambit exchange glances as Kurt stands up from a chair behind Beast, and walks up to the Podium, wearing red robe things. Behind him we see random mutants with Guitars, a drum set, and other musical instruments.]  
  
Reverend Wanger: And now people. [Cheering] And now people. [Cheering] Ven I voke up zis morning, [Cheering] I heard a disturbing sound. [Cheering] I said, ven I voke up zis morning [Cheering] I heard a disturbing sound. [Cheering] Vat I heard was the jingle-jangle of a zousand lost souls. [Cheering, Gambit checks his watch] And I'm talking about ze souls of all the men and vomen, [Cheering] departed from zis life. [Cheering] Wait a minute, [Cheering] the Lord sayz [Cheering] the soulz of us here on earth is [Cheering] secret of divine life [Cheering] zey'll not find [Cheering] Because it's too late... [Cheering] too late YEAH [Cheering] too late for zem to ever zee again [Cheering] ze light zey once chose not to follow [Cheering] don't be lost when the time comes [Cheering] For the day of the Lord cometh [Cheering] out of deep in the night [Cheering] YEEEAAAHHH!  
  
[Cheering]  
  
[band starts playing, and Kurt & the choir start singing, along with all the mutants in the church, although the singing can't be heard over the band, and neither can Fiora's yelling for the band to quite down. Random mutants get up and start dancing, then sit down as a hoard of girls wearing their sunday best start dancing around, amoung them Tabitha, Kitty, Rouge, and Pietro in a dress. They sit down, and the men get up and dance, amoung them Magneto, Sabertooth, Toad, and Pietro in a suit.]  
  
[Gambit starts to shake, as if he's about to go into a sezier]  
  
Scott: Gambit? Remy? Are you all right?  
  
[a ray of sunlight shines through a window behing Reverend Wanger, and hits Gambit, encompusing him in a blue glow.]  
  
Gambit: Dis is corny...de Band! [Louder] De Band!  
  
Reverend Wanger: Ja, it is. Er..I mean do you see ze light?  
  
Gambit: [Louder] De Band!  
  
Reverend Wanger: Do you see the light?  
  
Scott: [confused] what light?  
  
Reverend Wanger: HAVE you seen the LIGHT!?!  
  
Gambit: Oui, Oui! Jesus H. god damned bastard Christ, I have seen de light!  
  
[Gambit Does a Cartwheel, then Backflips down the Isle to join his fellow mutants in dancing at the front of the room, while the band continues to play and everone sings. He than does a Cartwheel and backflips back to Scott, finishing with a Cartwheel, then grabbing Scott's shoulders and shaking him]  
  
Gambit: De Band, Scotty, De Band!  
  
Scott: De Band? er....The band? [realizes] the band. The band? The band!  
  
Reverend Wanger: Praise God!  
  
Scott: And God bless the Unted States of America!  
  
Reverend Wanger: [singing] Amen. Amen.  
  
[Scott dances down the isle and joins the mutants in the front dancing, then dances back to Gambit and the two dance next to each other.]  
  
[Pietro dancing]  
  
[Todd jumping up and touching the roof]  
  
[Magneto and Sabertooth dancing together]  
  
[Evan Break dancing]  
  
[Scott and Gambit Dancing]  
  
[Xavier standing up and dancing ]  
  
[Kurt Moonwalking]  
  
[Pyro and Fiora Waltzing]  
  
[Tabitha dancing in a circle]  
  
[Kitty running away from Lance]  
  
[Wanda, dresses in blue, doing backflips]  
  
[Singing stops, music stops, Pyro and Fiora scamper back to their places, Xavier collapses into his wheel chair]  
  
Fiora: CUT!  
  
*****  
  
Gambit: Dat was corny  
  
Pyro: I'd have to agree with ya, mate.  
  
Evan: But it was fun, man!  
  
Kurt: [hoarsly] vater...please...  
  
[Jean randomly appears, grabs Scott, and drags him away]  
  
Fiora: ...right...uh...Until Next Time, remember; Men in Wheelchairs can't dance.  
  
[Everyone stares at her]  
  
Fiora: What? Oh yeah, please review   
  
[Everyone continues to stare]  
  
*****  
  
Love & Insanity,  
  
Fiora-da-insane 


	4. We're on a mission from God

Standard Disclaimers apply  
  
*****  
  
[Unsurprisingly, random characters from X-men: Evolution are gathered around. Forge is working on a CD player, Jean and Scott are going over lines, Gambit's flirting with Jubilation and Rouge, both of which keep brushing him off, although Jubes is blushing and giggling. Kurt is collapsed in a chair next to Pyro, who is playing with fire. Fiora walks in, looking very tried and very pissed off.]  
  
Fiora: PEOPLE! LISTEN UP!  
  
Gambit: Dun see no people here, chere, just us mutants.  
  
[Fiora's eye twitches, but before she can do anything, Jean-Luc appears from nowhere and slaps him upside the head]  
  
Gambit: Merde! Papa, what was dat for?  
  
Jean-Luc: Bein' a smart ass.  
  
Fiora: Thank you Mr. Lebeau. Anyway, as I was saying, I want to get through this as quickly as possible today, and I want us to stick to the script! This isn't an easy scene, so don't make it any harder than it has to be. All right? Good. PLACES! And Forge, can you take the camera's today?  
  
Forge: Sure!  
  
Fiora: Thanks you. Okay, ACTION!  
  
  
  
*****  
  
[Scene is in the X mobile, Scott's driving. It's night. They still have on their suits, black sunglasses, and black hats, along with their broken watches. "Soothe Me" plays in the background]  
  
(Maybe I should wander   
  
Through these streets a little longer)  
  
Gambit: We put de band back toget'er, do a few gigs, we get some bread, Bang! Five t'ousand bucks.  
  
Jean-Luc: [off stage] Bread? Haven't heard dat term ina long time!  
  
(Hey New York City   
  
Won't you welcome me back home? )  
  
Scott: Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not be that easy.  
  
Gambit: What're you talkin' 'bout?  
  
(And darling I love you   
  
But I swear that I'll be gone   
  
By the time you figure out what you want )  
  
Scott: They split, they all took straight jobs.  
  
Gambit: Yeah, so? Ya know where dey are. Ya said you were gonna keep in touch with dem  
  
(Maybe I should wander   
  
Through my solitude a little longer )  
  
Scott: I got a coupla leads, a few phone numbers, but I mean, how many of them visited; or even wrote you, huh?  
  
Gambit: dere not de kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, Remy was inside, you were s'posed to keep in touch with de band. Remy kept asking you if we were gonna play again.  
  
(Turn your head now sailor   
  
Well I used to be so much stronger   
  
How in the hell did I get here?   
  
In this city so alone )  
  
Scott: [turns the radio off] Well what was I gonna do? Take away you're only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?  
  
Gambit: Ya lied to Remy...  
  
Scott: It wasn't lies, it was just bullshit.   
  
Gambit: Never t'ought I'd hear ya say Bullshit twice in de same day  
  
Kurt: [off stage] ja, let alone within one hour  
  
[Fiora is heard growling off camera]  
  
[Scott drives through a yellow traffic light, and a police car is seen pulling out from a donut shop]  
  
Scott: Shit!  
  
Gambit: Should I get ya a change of pants, mon ami?  
  
Scott: Very funny  
  
Fiora:[off camera] GAMBIT, SAY YOUR LINE!  
  
Gambit: All right, What? What are ya shitin' 'bout?  
  
[random giggling off camera]  
  
Gambit: What?  
  
Scott: Rollers.  
  
Gambit: Non.  
  
Scott: Yeah.  
  
Gambit: Shit.  
  
[Evan Daniels (Spyke) is seen directing Scott to pull over, which he does. Evan and his partner, Ray Crisp (Bezerker), both exit the car. Ray stays next to the vehicle, while Evan walks up to the X Mobile, with the drivers side window down, and shines a flashlight in, letting it rest on Gambit's face, shining into his eyes through the side of the sun glasses. Gambit's lip twitches, as if resisting the urge to say something. Evan switches the flashlight off, and stares at Scott.]  
  
Scott: [innocently] What? What did I do?  
  
Officer Daniels: You failed to stop at a red signal.  
  
Scott: The light was yellow sir.  
  
Officer Daniels: May I see your license please?  
  
[Scott gives it to him, and Officer Daniels takes it to the squad car]  
  
Gambit: Goddamnit!  
  
Scott: Man I haven't been pulled over in six months. [pause] I bet those cops have got SCMODS.  
  
Gambit: SCMODS?  
  
Scott: State. County. Municipal. Offender. Data. System.  
  
[Scene switches to the SCMODS screen, which reads:  
  
(X, Scott  
  
Illinois License: 8263-1655-2187  
  
Currently Under Suspension  
  
Warrant Outstanding: PARKG-116  
  
Moving Violations: 56  
  
Arrest Driver....Impound Vehicle)]  
  
Officer Crisp: Mmm-hmm  
  
[The two officers return to Gambit and Scott's car]  
  
Officer Daniels: Scott, we show your license currently under suspension. Step out of the car please.  
  
[Scott looks as if he's going to get out, but then glances over at Gambit, and starts the car and drives off. Officer Crisp and Officer Daniels jump into the squad car and follow]  
  
*****  
  
Gambit: First ya trade de Cad'llac for a microphone, den you lie to Remy about de band, now you're gonna put Remy right back in da joint.  
  
Scott: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.  
  
Gambit: [Growls] Scott  
  
Officer Crisp: [into CB] We are in high speed pursuit northbound on Cropland Avenue. Black and white 1974 Dodge sedan with Illinois plates. Request assistance.  
  
[Scott turns into a parking lot. Officers pursue.]  
  
Scott: It would be all right if we could just get back on the expressway.  
  
[Camera shows a TOYS'R'US store, the X-Mobile drives past, follows closely by Officer Daniels car, and a back-up car. They swerve through the full parking lot.]  
  
Gambit: Dis don't look like no expressway to me!  
  
Scott: Don't yell at me.  
  
Gambit: What de hell do ya wan' me to do, motorhead?  
  
Scott: Well try not to be so negative all the time, why don't you offer some constructive criticism.  
  
Gambit: You got us inta dis parking lot, pal, so you get us out.  
  
Scott: You want outta this parking lot? Okay.   
  
[camera shifts to the Inside of the TOYS'R'Us store, where we see Sabertooth dressed as a female cashier.]  
  
Sabertooth: Will there be anything else?  
  
[camera shows Magneto holding up a Kurmet the frog doll (Shopping for his kids?) ]  
  
Magneto: Yes, do you have a Miss Piggy?  
  
[Scott crashes the car into the store, and drives through racks of toys, sending customers scampering. Officer Daniels then crashes his car through the wall next to Scott's hole, knocking down his own. The back up car follows. The drive out of TOYS'R'US and into the mall]  
  
Gambit: Hanson Burgers.  
  
Scott: Yeah. Lots of space in this mall.  
  
[Backup cops crashes through a garden shop]  
  
Gambit: Disco dancing hair cuts. What de hell is a Disco dancing hair cut?  
  
Scott: I don't wanna know [Swerves into a Clothing store]  
  
Scott: Baby clothes.  
  
Gambit: dis place has got everyt'ing.  
  
[Scott crashes into an Oldsmobile dealership]  
  
Scott: New Oldsmobiles are in early this year.  
  
[Scott pulls out, and drives through the mall with the back up behind them, and Officers Daniels and Crisp pulling up the rear. Gambit rolls down his window, and tosses a charged card at the Backup. The Camera switches to the Back-up Officers, who we now see are Jean Grey Driving and Pyro in the passenger seat.]  
  
Jean: Oh Shit!  
  
[The card blows up the tire, and sends the backup squad car on it's roof, causing it to spin around, with Jean and Pyro covering their eyes.]   
  
Scott: Gambit! Jean's in there!  
  
Gambit: De'll be fine.  
  
Scott: How do you know?  
  
Gambit: Gambit's psychic  
  
Scott: Psychic my ass. I swear, if you hurt her...  
  
Gambit: Can it and drive  
  
[Just when The backup car is about to stop spinning, Officer Daniels hits the back, and sends it spinning again.]  
  
Pyro: Damnit! They broke my Flame-thrower!  
  
Jean: Why do you have your flame-thrower ?  
  
Pyro: Cuz ya never know when your gonna need to burn something  
  
[Evan crashes the car into a shelf in JC Penny, stopping it. Scott and Gambit drive out of the mall and back onto the road, happy as clams]  
  
Officer Crisp: I'm gonna catch that sucker, if it's the last thing I ever do!  
  
Peter Gunn song plays  
  
Forge: CUT!  
  
*****  
  
[Fiora sits asleep in her directors chair, and Kurt is perched next to her on a table.]  
  
Kurt: Ve here at the "X-Brothers" would like to thank our reviewers, by replying to their reviews! [Pull out a peice of paper] First of all is VladimirsAngel! I, Personally, would like to thank for the water, I really needed it. Thanks for the compliment on my Preaching! I've always wanted to be a preist...  
  
Jean: And we're really glad you think it's funny, although Kitty running away from Lance is not funny. They are having serious problems with their relationship, and I'm sure they wouldn't-  
  
[Kitty and Lance walk in, holding hands]  
  
Jean: Or I could be wrong...  
  
[Jean walks off, probably to nose into their personal life...]  
  
Forge: [Grabs the peice of paper from Kurt] Next is Laureate. IN answer to you queastion, Yes, I have soon the light! The Holy Spirit HAS Seized my soul and made me dance!  
  
Gambit: Ya sure dat wasn't de drugs?  
  
[Forge glares, while Todd swipes the paper from him.]  
  
Todd: Yo, next up is...i_luv_elfie_bois? You one of her [jerks thumb at Fiora] readers at LEPBS? [shrugs] anyway, you'll start mettin' the band members soon, though I dunno how Fiora's gonna get them to agree...Anyway, thanks for ya review!  
  
*****  
  
Love & Insanity,  
  
Fiora-da-insane  
  
Fiora_da_insane@hotmail.com 


	5. Which Stuff is Blown up

Standard Disclaimers apply  
  
[Rouge and Gambit are talking to each other in a corner, Piotr is moving crates over to Kitty, who is phasing into them and taking stuff out and putting it away. Pyro runs in, Screaming, followed by a furious Wanda throwing Hex-Bolts at him, who is followed by Toad.]  
  
Toad: Come back Snuckums!  
  
[Fiora walks in after them with Forge, and frowns, before sending Forge to the Cameras.]  
  
Fiora: Okay people, Places! If you all behave today, Maybe I'll get you some cake.  
  
[Everyone looks at her oddly, before getting in their places.]  
  
Fiora: ACTION!  
  
*****  
  
[Gambit and Scott walk down the sidewalk, and stop in front of the doors to an old, beat up building. A sign above the building reads: Hotel. Men Only. Transfestites welcome.]  
  
Scott: Nice place, huh?  
  
[A "Mystery Women" wearing a black shirt and tank top, with auburn hair and white streaks, is seen inside a red car. She pulls out a rocket launcher, and fires at Scott and Gambit, missing and hitting the door behind them. Scott and Gambit fall to the ground, letting the debris fall on them, and the Mystery Woman fires two, three...Five more times, and drives off. Gambit and Scott Then the stand up, brush off the dust, and go inside, as if nothing happened.]  
  
[Scene switches to a smoke filled room crowded with men, and Tabitha, sitting around doing stuff. Scott and Gambit walk up to a counter with a glass cover. Fred sits behind this counter, eating a sub sandwich]  
  
Scott: Hey Blob, anybody call for me on the phone?  
  
Fred: No, no calls. Some guy left this card. Cop. Said he'd be back.  
  
[Fred slides the Card to Scott, who hands it to Gambit, who rips it in half and throws it over his shoulder]  
  
Scott: This here's my brother [shudders] Gambit. He just got outta the joint. He's gonna be staying with me for a few weeks.  
  
Fred: Oh OK [Goes back to his sandwich]  
  
[Gambit and Scott start to walk down a hall]  
  
Tabitha: Did you get me my Cheez Whiz, Boy?  
  
[Scott takes a can of Cheez Whiz out of his pocket, and tosses it to Tabitha]  
  
[Scene changes to outside Scott's Room, where Scott is unlocking the door. They both enter the room, which is tiny, having a Bed, Chair, Stove, and Fridge on one side, and nothing on there other from lack of room. A Train rattles by, shaking the room.]  
  
Scott: Well, it ain't much, but it's home.  
  
Gambit: How often does the train go by?  
  
Scott: So often you won't even notice it.  
  
[Scott buts a piece of white bread on a stove toaster, and stars to toast it.]  
  
Gambit: How you gonna get the band back together, Mr Hotroder? The cops got your name, you address.  
  
Scott: No, they don't got my address. I falsified my renewal. Put down 1060 West Addison.  
  
Gambit: 1060 West Addison? That's Bayville Field.  
  
Scott: I gotta hit the sack. [notices Gambit asleep in his bed] Hey you sleaze, my bed!  
  
[Scott falls asleep in the chair.]  
  
*****  
  
[Scene is outside of the Hotel Scott and Gambit are in. We see the Mysterious Woman pull up in a red car across the street from it. A Police car and a Brown car pull up along side the hotel. Officer Daniels and Officer Ray step out of the police car, and Piotr (Colossus) steps out of the brown car.]  
  
Piotr: Vis, gentlemen, is ze elegant abode of one Scott X.  
  
Officer Crisp: Thanks for your help Piotr.  
  
Piotr: You know, I liked the Bayville Field bit.  
  
Officer Crisp: Yeah, real cute.  
  
[Scene switches to the tree of them on either side of the door.]  
  
Piotr: Stand back.  
  
[Piotr "Metals up" and plows through the door, at the same time Mystery Woman flicks a switch on a remote control. The whole building blows up. Gambit and Scott get up and brush themselves off.]  
  
Scott: [checks his watch] It's almost nine o'clock. We gotta go to work.   
  
[They walk off. Piotr, Officer Crisp, and Officer Daniels stand up and walk off.] 


End file.
